| Now I gotta find my own. |
[Sun, 27th, September, 2009|10:49 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  very,tired. | ] |
Wrench:
to twist suddenly and forcibly; pull, jerk, or force by a violent twist
Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
Listen to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release
The time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened
There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed Aside or turned
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen
Beyonce's Listen is good. Never heard such a heart wrenching song yet so true before. Most heart wrenching songs don't usually happen in real life. But hers does. Esp the chorus. Totally jerked my tear glands on this very night. Idk why it hurts so damn much now. At 10.54pm, 27th September 2009. When most people are sound alseep cos tmr's the start of another new week. I feel so dry inside. So empty. Its been 6 weeks and counting, since you've left. I won't hide anything out here, cos not many people actually visits this blog. But on this very night, it hurts like hell. I can't run away. Because if I do, im a coward. I've gotta face it straight in my face. But then it feels like its slapping me over and over and over again. Left, right, left, right. Never knew i'd face this amount of pain in my life, but I just did. I know I cant live without you. But then and again, I don't have a choice. Im being robbed of my feelings, of someone I cant live without. So what do you do when that happens? there's no answer for that. Because not many people actually get robbed of smt that means so, so, so much to them in this manner. If they do, its through death. But this time it isn't. Somewhere out there, you're in dreamland now, I think. Probably dreaming of everything or anyone else but me, i guess. And later in the night, when im asleep, i'll be dreaming of nothing but you. Probably wake up again in a pool of tears. Thats how heart wrenching true love really is....
But nevermind ppl, i'll be okay.
I guess this has to happen. When one party wants to be happy by making decisions like that...
Sometimes happiness comes with a cost. Might not cost you much. But it might cost others a lifetime's worth of pain.
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| uh, what is pain again? |
[Sun, 27th, September, 2009|12:00 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  bowling | ] |
I wont hurt myself at all. Yes, I agree that at times, I did have to hurt myself emotionally, for the good of others.
Perhaps made them happier/happy. But no, Amanda will never bring herself to harm an inch of her skin.
No denying that emotionally im at my lowest. No denying that it might be a long time more for me to feel better.
But Im not stupid.
Have you ever thought?
That maybe the amount of pain I actually felt/ am feeling emotionally is enough to kill already?
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| blah. |
[Sat, 26th, September, 2009|1:23 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Last night was no different. |
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| goodnight world, goodnight. |
[Fri, 25th, September, 2009|11:43 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| |  still crushed. | ] |
Jun is oh-so-cute.
Hello yes, I saw your links that you searched on for me in google.
haha, how to recover from heartbreak.
Last night was hell. Slept at 4.
Well not exactly slept. Was drifting in and outta sleep.
Whenever I managed to actually fall asleep,
i'd dream of smt and find myself waking up in tears.
What a night. Pained liked helled.
Today was worse. Stoned & tried to sleep the whole darn day.
Was somehow in a daze. Idk how. Splitting headache.
Help.
Tmr im meeting Ah min, I hope I won't make her day gloomy as well.
Its like some disease and everyone who sees me says im definitely in a daze.
About what, they do not know.
& i dont think I need to share it with anyone.
Maybe I deserve this.
Sigh. Bath time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Thu, 24th, September, 2009|1:39 pm] |
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sorry, sorry...
But I have no better choice.
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| But really. |
[Wed, 23rd, September, 2009|8:54 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
Long walk at Clarke Quay. Was good. Sun was really hot. But good. Today's probably the day Im feeling the most crushed. Really, where can I go? Such results are an utter disgrace to both myself and the effort i've tried to put in during that terrible study break week. With such events happening in this now-pathetic life of mine. Maybe one day i'll just break. Take a rubber band for example. Its stretchable. Lasts long, for most. But what happens when you use it for too long? One year? Two years? And using it to bind ultra thick stuff? A small part of it gets weaker and eventually breaks. Try it. Try stretching a rubber band around your wrist till it snaps. Even the snapping part is painful. Then it'll no longer be joined in a circle. But instead, it'll just be a single line with no connection to anything at all. I don't think tmr will be any different from today. I dont think the day after tmr will be any different from today. I dont think that 5 days from now will be any different from today. The rubber band is a good example of us humans. Use all your strength, your energy to try to forget one so as to respect him, and one day you'll break. Because it is thick stuff. You have to stretch to put it all together. To come to terms with it. Every day I feel like crap. Waiting to snap anytime. Maybe leaving is really the best choice. Everybody will be happy. You, the rest, maybe me? But fat hope, not me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Wed, 23rd, September, 2009|10:54 am] |
| [ | Mood |
| | sad | ] |
Love shouldn't be selfish.
Im sorry girl, I really am. You know who you are.
But thanks for talking to me anyway.
Im sorry, im sorry.
Sigh, where can I go? With a GPA like that?
I could have done better.
Is what I always say.
Sorry Amanda, work harder again the next time.
If theres even a next time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Tue, 22nd, September, 2009|8:11 pm] |
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the days I cried so badly
because you wanted to leave me. |
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| I need |
[Tue, 22nd, September, 2009|5:48 pm] |
| [ | Mood |
| | Need you to know | ] |
to know your true feelings.
to know if I should let it all go.
to know that whatever I do and wherever I go would be proved fruitless.
you to know that i'm sorry...
for loving you this much. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Sorry. |
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| Big sighs. |
[Mon, 21st, September, 2009|11:14 pm] |
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And then she's dead.
Love with all your heart.
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